When I was seven, a truck hit a tree in front of our house. My mother hurried me to the wreck and put a tiny baby girl in my arms. The child had been thrown through the window and landed in the yard. She told me to keep pinching the baby’s cheeks, so she did not fall asleep because people believed then that if you had a brain injured and the baby fell asleep, she might not wake up. I was a young Catholic kid who had been told by my priest to hurt no one or that I would go to HELL!!! So I stood there with a screaming baby, doing what I was told and kept pinching her cheeks to keep her alive, while a part of me believed I was going to pay for this in purgatory. 

That day branded my heart. People suffer. People need others to make sacrifices. They need steady hands and a calm presence when everything is broken and in chaos. That moment planted the call in me to serve others, even if it cost me going to hell. In the years that followed, loss visited again and again. A classmate died in a truck fire. My buddies like Scotty Doolittle was taken as he got hit while riding his bike. Scotty Lewis was taken in a car accident. David Gregson died in a rollover. My neighbor and another infant named Bridgette died of brain cancer at four months old. Those early losses in my single digit age formed my conscience and my compass. I knew I had to do something about the pain and suffering. Losses continued as I got older, Steve Graland another classmate killed by a truck while running getting in shape for wrestling, The loss of my Grandmother Spence, My Grandfather Solian the hits just kept coming. 

In 1987, I answered the call to serve my country. I joined the delayed entry program with my dad;'s signature. The liberation of Grenada and the US Marines freeing and protecting those medical students in 1983 had already settled my mind about the kind of world I wanted to build, they not only freed the students but then ended the communist regime that had taken the students hostage. From 1988 to 1993, I served on active duty as an Aviation Ordnance Munitions Technician with MALS 32, MALS 14. And then I was sent to MWHS 2. to stand a post.

As a Marine Security Guard after the MSG school, and served as Corporal of the Guard. From 1991 to 1993. In 1993, I served in the Marine Corps Reserves with 3rd Battalion 25th Marines, India Company. The Corps forged discipline, courage, and an unbreakable devotion to the team. This adds to my view that when dealing with a trauma with the client we are a team and we do it together. 

From 1994 to 2010, I served the City of Batavia Fire Department as a firefighter/paramedic and acting LT. I pulled people from smoke-filled rooms and mangled vehicles. I held hands with the trapped, cut families out of twisted steel, and worked codes on living room floors. I climbed lines in high-angle rescue, moved fast water, and stood in the cold at crash scenes while the clock punished indecision. As a leader in high pressure situations. At mass casualty Incidents I le4arned to direct and to lead my part of the team to attain our goals at the scene while working with the complete picture in mind. Simply put, this cog in this enormous wheel had to stay in its place to be able to make the wheel go round and work correctly.  I learned to stay calm when a parent screamed from deep down from the bowels of hell, when their child’s chest was still, when my partner needed a decision now that could lead to life or death.

Then September 11th cut me extremely deep. I lost a classmate and two firefighter brothers I grew up with. And a total of 343 firefighters were killed in total. I wanted revenge, so I reenlisted in an infantry Unit Alpha 2/108th, 27 Brigade, 42nd Infantry Division. In the years that followed, I carried the grief of every brother and sister lost that day and those who died in the line of duty afterwards because of the asbestos. Then the paramedic on my platoon at the fire department, Wayne Rosen, was killed responding to a call when a drunk driver struck and killed him. Every name and face stays with me. They taught me to hold people close and to keep showing up no matter what.

Nothing on this earth prepared me for the day that I held my six-month-old son, Nathan, in my arms, dead and cold, after a major car accident and a devastating head injury. I remember the weight of him in my arms, heavier than a baby should feel. His skin was cold to the touch. He was dark blue, darker than the blanket that he was wrapped in. It was a baby blue blanket that covered him up completely that I can still see in my mind. The world narrowed into a tunnel. As I unwrapped it, and saw his face and then that head injury that had caused his death. I could hear nothing but a dull rush in my ears and my voice inside begging God to change what was happening. The panic, the fear, the anxiety, I had a scream that was stuck in my throat and it could not come out. My training searched for anything I could do. Check breathing. Check pulse. Warmth. Stimulation. But there are moments when training meets a wall. And I actually had to reason with myself that the Drs knew more than me. 

My mind ran through every possible way to try to fix this, and there were none. I was a father. Dads are supposed to protect and fix things. In those seconds, I felt like I had failed at the most sacred task a man is given, top protect his family. Melissa, my wife at the time, was fighting for her life after a nine-hour surgery that opened her from breastbone to pelvis. We did not know whether she would survive. That morning she had dropped me at the base. And for some reason i was in a hurry, all I had to do was turn around and kiss her one more time; another 5 seconds is all they needed not to be in that intersection. Instead, Twenty minutes later, Gunny Pete barked my name, and then my world turned. Upside down.

There are losses that language just can not explain and that it cannot carry. I can tell you the facts of the event. I can tell you I prayed to take his place. I can tell you I would have given my breath and my heartbeat for his. I can tell you that a part of me felt like it died with my son. Those are facts. What remains is the long quiet after, when everyone leaves you and their lives turn back to normal. All the while my mind is still in the bowels of hell, rel;iving it every single day. The very long road of starting to learn how to breathe again on the inside of an honest story that is a nightmare and then trying to figure out or trying to choose to live again and have a life worthy of the ones that we have lost and we have loved.

Years later in 2007 while attached to Alpha 2/108th Infantry, I was activated on Title-10 orders to deploy to Afghanistan. I was sent to training in mountain warfare school to lead, to protect, and save the lives of my guys. While we were doing reactive drills to mortar fire, I dove like I did thousands of times in my career as a warrior. I dove and rolled. Then SNAP!!!!! I broke my back, and spent the next year in a wheelchair with surgeries and learning how to walk again. But my infantry brothers deployed this time without me. Twelve soldiers from my combat brigade did not come home. The guilt of not being there to treat them as a medic or to lead them from the obvious danger crushed me to the soul. I carried that weight until I learned that grief and guilt do not leave on their own. You have to face them with courage, and the work is heavy, but it can be done.

While still in a wheelchair, my dad died in 2008 of complete organ failure. I had the sign. I was aggressive, angry, emotional, and cried watching TV for no reason at all. I was anxious, could not walk through a grocery store without searching everyone with my eyes for weapons or ways to hurt me, I always had two ways out in case of a live shooter. I could not relax or sleep. I was married with a new baby, my daughter Eryn. In 2018,  I finally said yes and was an inpatient at the Batavia VA PTSD Clinic. I needed help to clarify this situation and try to make it better. Then, my mother suffered four very serious strokes in the dead center of her brain, making it inoperable while I was in-house at the clinic. I was already doing work on my other trauma; now I had to add my mother to the list. That season taught me to breathe again, to sit with pain without letting it rule me, and to move forward with purpose. I could finally remember the funny stuff again; I could really earnestly laugh again; I started feeling emotions again; I learned to communicate effectively with my wife Wendy again. I did the work, and I was getting my life back again.  

My brother died of cancer in 2022. Five months later, my sister died of the widowmaker in 2023. I had the solum honor and also the ache of officiating both funerals as a chaplain. I was honored to do it. I felt complete as I did it from start to finish and saw it through to the end. However in that same season, we also lost Uncle Mike, Uncle Joe, Uncle Pauly, and Uncle Chuck. My mom's brothers, loss upon loss back to back, dropping like flies. . Each goodbye deepened my resolve to serve the living with courage and tenderness. And then, a year ago, my daughter lost her5 favorite grandfather, Grandpa Bob or Papa. My daughter, Eryn, started losing people at age 11; now she is 16, and I have walked with her o her trauma journey with the help of a counselor and a psychiatrist. This will make her more resilient in the end but we have to get through the journey first.  

From 2010 - 2020, I walked beside veterans carrying PTSD, anxiety, depression, survivor guilt and moral injury through work with the Veterans Administration as a Peer Support PTSD Speciast and volunteering at Veterans nonprofits like Operation Injured Soldier and Warrior House of Western New York. I went back to school again after I had gone to school and seminary to be a chaplain. I then trained at the University of Maryland in Critical Incident Stress Management and joined the Western New York Stress Reduction Team to debrief firefighters, EMS, police, and hospital staff after critical incidents. In 2016, I volunteered with the American Red Cross on the Disaster Action Team and served in Disaster Spiritual Care or DSC, as a crisis chaplain and then a supervisor, providing a ministry of presence across the country. I also served on the Integrated Care and Condolence Team, meeting families at the hardest doorway of their lives, being notified that their loved one did not survive the disaster. I said to myself I need to be better prepared for these jobs. So, yet again, off to school. 

I became an ordained and licensed chaplain, first serving my local fire department. I kept going back to school. I studied trauma-informed coaching, cognitive behavioral coaching, leadership coaching, and marriage communication and conflict resolution. I earned board certifications and continued to learn because people deserve excellence, and I was going to the worst spots in America to be that ministry of presence to assist them in any way that I could.

In 2021, I founded Spence’s True North to bring evidence-informed coaching and steady care to those who carry heavy burdens. Since then I have walked with more than fifty clients, including veterans, first responders, leaders, couples, and families.

• Board-Certified Master Mental Health Coach
   
• Board-Certified Professional Life Coach
   
• Certified Trauma-Informed Life Coach
   
• Certified Cognitive Behavioral Coach
   
• Certified Critical Incident Stress Manager, ICISF
   
• Certified Master Christian Life Coach, AACC - Light University
   
• Board-Certified Suicide Prevention Specialist, AACC - Light University
   
• Diplomate status with the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress
   
• Certified Police Chaplain with the California Practical Chaplains Association
   
• American Red Cross Disaster Spiritual Care, Crisis Chaplain and Supervisor, Integrated Care and Condolence Team, Death Notifies

• Member, International Board of Christian Care
   
• Member, International Christian Coaching Institute
   
• Member, International Critical Incident Stress Foundation
   
• Member, American Academy of Christian Counselors
   
• NICABM member and ongoing professional education
   
• Education includes Finger Lakes Community College, Genesee Community College, Corning Community College, University of Maryland, Light University, American Academy of Christian Counselors, International of Christian Counselors, Christian ledership College, Dallas Theological Seminary, International Coaching Federation.  
   

I work with people who are ready to regain control, unlock their potential, and turn pain into purpose. My coaching is practical, structured, and compassionate. We start with your goals, clarify what matters most, and build simple routines that create actual results in daily life.

Whether you face stress, grief, leadership pressure, or a season of personal change, I will walk with you at your pace. I offer steady guidance, simple strategies, and unwavering support wherever you are on the path.

My background in crisis response and traumatic stress shapes how I coach. I stay calm under pressure, think clearly in complex situations, and help you do the same. Together, we turn insight into action through measurable steps you can practice between sessions. You will learn grounding and regulation skills; you will strengthen your communication; and you will build leadership habits that hold up when life gets tough.

The aim is simple. Steady progress, fewer and fewer stuck points, and a life that reflects your internal personal values (the what makes us what and act like we do). Faith support is available upon request. Coaching services only. There are actual chaplain rules in the organization I belong to: help first, do not bring up religion unless the client does. 

You did not do this to yourself. What you are experiencing is not a flaw, a failure, or a weakness, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is your body and your mind doing exactly what they are designed to do after life-altering (traumatic event) events. It's called, Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn or the fear response, and they are normal human reactions that protect life.

Right now, your nervous system, the amygdala, and the corpus callosum, are doing the leading, and your brain may be reacting to stimuli based on your stress hormones rather than the higher thinking part of your brain, the frontal cortex. This is where your logic, reasoning, and problem solving occur. While in the fear response, this shuts down completely. You can actually be stuck in this mode for years. 

My role in this is to help you regain control of your frontal cortex. With empathy and steady support, I provide a safe place to understand your body’s signals, identify them and to start to shift from survival mode toward healing, and traumatic growth, and finally mental strength. Together we will turn your overwhelmed feeling into an actual plan. You will learn practical tools and strategies that restore calm, build resilience, and move you forward.

You ARE NOT at all broken. You are responding as any human being would in any traumatic driven situation. Now we will replace self-blaming or a multitude of cramped emotions into a small tube and sort it out with a single identified primary emotion and put them all into order for understanding and building skills. When you are ready, and YOU DO have to be ready for this, you have to do the work. Then I will walk with you so you can step into a life of clarity, confidence, and purpose. 

Expect accountability. I will hold you to the goals you choose each week, not as a critic but as a committed partner. I coach with integrity and a clear aim for lasting transformation. I will walk with you through inner and outer battles, turning confusion into clarity, fear into strength, and doubt into confidence.

My philosophy is simple. Growth comes from meeting real challenges with a steady gait and purpose. We will build resilience by facing what is hard and practicing skills that work in daily life. You will learn to reframe obstacles as openings, confront fear, replace limiting beliefs, and take focused action toward what matters. Each session turns insight into a practical next step you can apply immediately.

I take a whole-person view of well-being. We consider physical, emotional, mental, eating habits, drinking habits, daily actions and responses and spiritual health (only if you request it) as parts of one life. When you request it, I will provide faith-based guidance based on solid scripture and the Holy Bible. No matter what you have heard about spirituality, man can be flawed, so we go with the exact wording in the Bible. Always respecting your beliefs and followings.

The T.R.U.E. North Protocol ties it all together. I have come up with this method as best handles what we will cover and do as you learn how your brain and body respond to stress, add tools for grounding and regulation, practice better communication, and turn insight into action between sessions. Education, practice, and coaching move in step so change lasts.

My book, Transformative Leadership Made Simple: Unlock Self Mastery and Lead with Purpose, adds a clear and grounded framework called the Quadrangle of Leadership. Made up of four parts but one whole being liquid from position to position or title to title. The Manager focuses on execution, company policies, and budget constraints. The Leader sets the vision for the team to buy into, where are we going, how are we getting there and then motivating you to charge into battle to maximize the effort needed to tackle anything, or put simply we are going tomorrow to put Hell out and you can't wait to. The Coach develops people, gives them classes, send them to classes, teaches them how to be the best they can be in their jobs. The Servant Leader serves the team members individually. How is your day going? Is there anything I can help with? Are you having family issues? Do you need advice or just to have me sit here and listen? You move between these roles as life demands, throughout the day as it unfolds, sometimes minute by minute. It works because it matches the roles you live every day, aligns actions with values, and gives you simple repeatable habits.

I also coach couples in restorative communication and conflict resolution so that homes become places of safety, honesty, and growth.

• My lived experience in the deepest valleys, including the loss of my son, military survivor guilt, and line of duty grief. I can meet you right where you are at.
   
• A career of steady service under pressure as a Marine, firefighter, and paramedic
   
• Advanced training, board certifications, and a commitment to lifelong learning
   
• A proven, structured coaching method that turns insight into action and changes that lasts
   
• Faith supports when requested, always with respect for your beliefs
   
• More than fifty clients served with confidentiality, dignity, and measurable progress
   

This process works when you are an active participant. I will guide, equip, and hold you accountable. You do the work. When you are ready to step out of the shadows of trauma, leadership burnout, and marriage conflict, we will move forward together with clarity, strength, and confidence. You are not alone. We will take the next right step, one steady practice at a time.